Life Update! 

What a few months it has been! I have not posted on LifeAsLindsay in over 2 months ☹ . I have been working on a couple different posts, but they don’t ever seem to be (anywhere near) finished-it must be the perfectionist in me trying to get the best and most material on a topic as I can.

Along with wanting what I post to be good, I have been SO busy!!! School started up again and so that is taking so much of my time, which is fine because I am enjoying and really learning in some of my classes, but it is A LOT of work/pressure. There is pressure in getting an A (and if I don’t get an A I make myself do extra things to get me there, which takes more time), keeping up on current assignments (taking a couple hard classes requires the extra time and effort) and getting started on projects so I am not cramming last minute for it (I am not doing so good at this lately).  Also, in the rare time in between school, social life, family life and working out there is a 80% chance I am taking a nap-hahaha. I have found myself taking so many naps in my free time, it makes me feel useless immediately before and after knowing that I could have gotten things accomplished in that time, but I also know that it can help me be a happier and more productive person in the long run. Only getting 5 to 6 hours of sleep most nights really catches up to a person!

Backtracking to August, my life was focused around work and school. I was working a few more hours than usual, which I loved, but it definitely wore me out! I was also taking a lot of time to mentally, physically and spiritually prepare for school. I might go more into detail in the future about this, but for now all I am going to say is that it was rough. I was scared for the uncertain.

Truthfully I have never liked the Bible verse “cast all your anxieties and him for he cares for you”. This verse normally brings so much comfort to people, but to me it brought anxiety. It confused me I always thought how am I supposed to do that?? How does God expect me just to let go? What does it even mean ‘to let go’?? 

For as long as I can remember I have always liked to be in control. I wanted control of my life, my surroundings, my schedule. I think this came from not having control when I was younger when I was getting bullied. Some days I felt like complete trash and so I learned that if I had control I could be fine. Without control I used to get super anxious and scared, but now I am getting more used to letting go.

This Bible verse was telling me to lose control and that was (and sometimes still is SO hard). I just couldn’t imagine having the pressure of anxiety not in my life.

So, you might be thinking Lindsay so what now? Do you still feel that way? And the answer is of course. I will always want control of situations and my life, but I have also learned (and am learning) to breathe and give my worries and troubles to God and get excited for the unknown, turning it in to something exciting and positive. Now I find myself getting super excited and happy for the uncertain sometimes. I tell myself it will be okay and maybe even fun, and (sometimes) it is. Trust me I am no pro at that yet, but I hope one day it will naturally come in my everyday life.

The 2 things that have helped me to ‘cast my anxieties on him’ are

1. Go outside and pray

This is in the top 5 of my absolute favorite things to do. I love to go outside after dark on cold nights and lay down as I am curled up in a blanket at night look up into the starry sky. I have never appreciated the stars to much. The stars and moon help me realize that there is so much more. There is more than this city I am in, the world i live in, the situations i am in and the moments and challenges that i face at this moment. It helps me realize that in 5 years (let a lone 9 months) it wont matter anymore.

As I look into the stars and think i also love to pray. It is one of the few times in my life where i feel like no one is near me. No one can judge or listen to what I am to say. It is just God and I. The nights blanket gives me comfort from the happening and chaos of the day.

2.  Thy Will Be Done

The saying “Thy will be done” has helped me more than any quote or saying I am ever heard up to this point. To br this quote simplifies “cast all your anxieties on him for he cares for you”. It simplifies life and how you should live in 4 everyday words.

THY. WILL. BE. DONE.

Thy. This word is an older English word, but it helps to so much. The Thy talked about is God.

Will. Gods will is the power of everything and anything that has and will ever happen. His will made the beautiful, unbelievable complicated world we live in. His will give me my parents and siblings and has placed me where I am in the world right now. His will is guiding every person I talk to and and is playing out in everything I do. If something bad happens it is the most important thing to remember that God made or allowed it to happen and it is going to work out to be something more good and special than I could ever imagine myself.

Be Done. Whatever is supposed to happen in God’s plan is going to happen.

Thy Will Be Done. God has an almighty plan that even if I am stressed about the future, or worried about the present it is all going to work out because it is in God’s hands.

Now into the school year, I stay very busy. Some classes have been very frustrating and don’t get me wrong, sometimes I want to crawl in a hole and push a stop button, but overall it is a good start to the year. I pray that this chapter and the experiences that come with it are blessed and will help me grow as a person for the present and for the future.

The leaves are changing colors and my favorite time of year seems is coming and going as fast as an ice cream cone melts on a hot day.

 

These past 2 months have been long, but I feel like I am growing as a person again, and it feels so good. I am stressed and beyond busy, but that is life. I hope to get up some more posts soon whenever I have the time to do it. Just know that i have not abandoned this, it just takes me longer than some other people to get posts up. ❤

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